You’re invited to attend a musical performance featuring a diverse group of musicians!

Come and experience the unique sounds of bagpipes alongside a variety of other instruments and styles. The performance will take place Sunday @ 8pm at the Free Times Café. Don’t miss this opportunity to hear the fusion of different cultures and traditions in one concert.

And remember, if you’re feeling down, just remember the bagpipe player’s motto: “You may not be able to play well, but you can always play loud!”

We look forward to seeing you there!

The above was written by ChatGPT with this prompt: Write an invitation to a musical performance that features a very diverse group of musicians, including bagpipes, and finish with a joke about the bagpipe player.

Have you ever thought about how one little letter can change so much? Take for example the three letters “est.” On their own, when capitalized, EST can stand for Eastern Standard Time, the time those of us living in Ontario use during the fall and winter (other than folks in Kenora and west who are in a different time zone, but you knew that). EST can also stand for Erhard Seminar Training, a cult like program that was popular (among some folks) in the 1970s and 80s (and if you want to go down that particular rabbit hole that’s up to you).

But I’m talking about the letters “est” which can be a suffix (for you grammar fans – and you know who you are) but can also just be the last three letters of lots of words. Just one small letter in front of “est” can give us a fest or a vest. And if I say we’re going to have a rest that’s very different than if I say we’re going to have a test. And you’d feel even better if I said you were the best – which you are for reading this far.

And while we’re on this road, let’s think about “quest.’ Adding the “qu” to the “est” sets up an adventure and challenge. And then if we put “re” in front, it becomes a request and if we put “be” in there, then it’s a bequest. And those are very different things. I mean, you ask for something when you make a request and you get something when you receive a bequest.

Now lest (there’s another one) you think this is just idle musing, I’m now going to knit this altogether by tying it to the next show from your faves – Gordon’s Acoustic Living Room.

On December 18th, the 10 or so members of Gordon’s Acoustic Living Room (maybe 10, could be nine, possibly eight, we’ll see, there are a lot of moving parts these days and your mileage may vary) will once again be gathered at the Free Times Café (College, just west of Spadina) to resume what has been a much anticipated but pandemic-delayed holiday themed event – our famous December all request show. Yes, the all request show – where you make the requests and we respond to your requests by bequesting you the songs that you’ve requested.

You might be wondering how we compile the requests for this wonderful show and that’s a very good question. One option, of course, is to have people at the show shout out their requests. But we are now living in a time when we are still concerned and careful about the spreading of germs (but not so concerned and careful that we’re bottling ourselves back up at home), so we don’t want to encourage people to shout things out, other than of course “encore,” or spontaneous shouts of joy and/or incredulity during our performance. The other difficulty with people shouting out requests during the show is maybe they’ll shout out something that we don’t really know very well, or something we do know but we just don’t want to play.

And then of course there’s the thorny issue of privilege. If we only allow requests at the show, then that privileges those who are able to attend, and while we love the people who are able to attend, and in fact couldn’t really do a show without the people who attend, we don’t want to unduly privilege those people beyond giving them the privilege of hearing us play, which frankly and modestly I would have to say is a pretty big privilege. And we need to keep in mind that some people who might like to make requests live some distance from Toronto and we don’t want to leave them out. So, we are extending the ability to request songs to everyone who receives this e-mail or more specifically the link that appears in the next paragraph that will take you to our all request webpage.

And that that link is: https://www.galr.ca/vote/.

When you click on that link you will see almost 400 songs that the fine folks of Gordon’s Acoustic Living Room are willing to play for you on December 18th. Now of course, while we’d love to, we can’t play all 400 songs because if the average song is three minutes that’s 1,200 minutes of music (not counting the time between songs for jolly banter) which divided by 60 turns into 20 hours, and while we have a great deal of stamina and would love nothing better than to play for 20 hours straight, the folks at the Free Times Café, as wonderful as they are, won’t allow it. What we do instead is we choose among the most requested songs for each musician to make up our set list. And on top of that, we will also be sprinkling in a few holiday themed tunes.

I hope you can join us at the aforementioned Free Times Café on the aforementioned date of December 18th at the heretofore unmentioned time of eight PM and watch as we bequest you with your requested songs. And while enjoying the performance you are encouraged to ingest (we’re almost done with these) some fine food and drink. And did I mention that in the holiday spirit there is no cover charge.

Hope to see you there (and even if you can’t make it, make a request, it’ll be like you are there).

Jonathan

P.S. You should be aware that making an appearance at the all request show will almost certainly be bagpipes who I think are best classified as a musical pest and unwanted guest.

Hello all Roomers, and Rumours of Roomers!

Come to the Free Times Café this coming Sunday for good music starting at 8pm. But don’t miss the good food either! You can make a reservation by calling 416-967-1078 and have some of Judy’s fabulous food.

See you there!

Rory Gus

PS Jonathan is in Vancouver this weekend so no ranty blurb this month.

The past few years has seen an explosion in true crime stories. Whether it be podcasts, TV shows, movies or books – or sometimes a TV show based on a podcast from a movie that started out as a book – there’s a lot to choose from and we can’t seem to get enough of them. And I confess (or was this a false confession), I too enjoy a good true crime saga – but I never thought I would actually be in one (cue ominous music).

This is a true story (I mean most of what I write in these blurbs is true – or largely true or substantially based on truey type things – but this one really is really truly true).

It started innocently enough, but then it always does start innocently, doesn’t it? We put out our two garbage bins one evening, but in the morning, after the collection, one was gone (cue trashy music). No big deal, we thought mistakenly, and so we called the city to ask for a new bin. And that’s when things started to get strange (ominous music again please).

The person on the phone asked us for the serial number of our garbage bin. Serial number? On a garbage bin? Since when did garbage bins have serial numbers? Quite a while apparently – and if you live in Toronto and you don’t believe me go check your bins yourself – you’ll see the numbers on the front of the bin right by the bar code (yes, there’s a bar code too). So, we got the serial number and called the city back and got the shock of our lives (OK, I might be exaggerating here just a bit, it wasn’t the shock of our lives, but it was very surprising – and deserves some shock music).

Apparently, the bin that we have been calling our own bin for years, the bin that we’ve treated as our own bin, the bin in which we have placed the intimate aspects of our lives that we can bear to part with and can’t be recycled, that bin isn’t ours!!!! A review of the serial number revealed that the bin belonged to someone else? But who? Did they steal our bin (I guess it isn’t really our bin, but it feels like a part of the family and I’ll always think of it that way) in order to rejoin its brother or sister bin? And if that isn’t our bin – and I guess it isn’t – then who has our bin (or bins because we had two and that’s what started this whole thing). We wanted answers and we wanted them now.

So we asked the person at the city, “Whose bin is this and where are our bins?” And while we wanted answers, we didn’t get them – instead we were told to wait until the investigation was complete. Yes, they said “the investigation.” The investigation!?!?! There’s going to be an investigation!!?!? Are we suspects? Do we need a lawyer? Does anyone know a good lawyer??? What have we started and where will this end????

And then, after we calmed down a bit (just a bit, our minds were still racing) we asked ourselves who would be doing this investigation? Who has the expertise and the knowledge to take on a task this daunting? Perhaps the Hardy Boys or Nancy Drew, but they’re kinda old for these kind of things – racing around in back alleys trying to find runaway bins. Could be Scooby Doo and his pals, or maybe the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or the Paw Patrol?

I hate to leave you in suspense, but like any good true crime podcast or series, there is more to come – but you’ll have to wait – as we wait – for the next episode (cue theme music).

You know what’s no mystery, however: when Gordon’s Acoustic Living Room will be having its next show at the Free Times Café on College just west of Spadina (I love segues – and while I don’t like to brag – I think I’ve become pretty good at them). Because it’s gonna be Sunday, October 16. And, like always, the show will start at 8pm. And while the tunes we’re going to play are a mystery right now, all will be revealed on the night – no cliff-hangers. And there will also be lots to eat and drink, and in honour of the mystery of changing of the colours of the leaves, there will be no cover. Hope to see you there.

Jonathan

P.S. None of the imaginary music referenced above was, will be or an ever can be, played on the bagpipes.

Has this ever happened to you? (Having asked this question, I’m now a bit worried, because what if what I’m about to tell you that has happened to me, and I think may have happened to you, hasn’t happened to you? Maybe an experience that I think is almost universal is really exclusive to me. Now, I’m starting to feel a bit vulnerable but I’m gonna move forward with the question – because, as Van Morrison memorably said: “It’s too late to stop now.” And just to be clear I’m referring here to the younger Van Morrison, not the COVID denying older curmudgeonly Van Morrison).

Where was I – oh yeah – has this ever happened to you? You wake up (so at this point I’m pretty confident that everyone is still with me because if you’re reading this, no matter what time of day or night, you must have woken up, so we’re all good).

And then, after you wake up, you brush your teeth (and while I might not have everyone with me, I’m pretty sure most people brush their teeth at some point after they wake up and so I’m still feeling pretty confident).

And then, after waking up and brushing your teeth, you drink some orange juice. And this is where I’m focusing – you wake up, you brush your teeth and then you drink orange juice. Because if this has happened to you, and it must have happened to more than a few of you, you know what happens next. And what happens next is this orange juice which you’ve always liked – this sweet bit of sunshiny goodness (you’re welcome for the plug Florida orange growers) tastes bitter, it tastes sour, it tastes so bad you never want to drink orange juice again.

So why is it that if you wake up, drink orange juice and then brush your teeth everything’s fine, but if you wake up, brush your teeth and then drink orange juice the experience is awful. What’s going on? As it turns out there is a scientific explanation for this phenomenon. You see, some of the ingredients in toothpaste coat your tongue and inhibit the receptors there that detect sweetness for a brief period of time and, as a result, if you drink orange juice after brushing your teeth, your tongue can’t taste any of that sweet goodness, you just taste the sour parts of the juice (and a shout out here to one of my favourite new podcasts, “No Such Thing as a Fish”, where I first learned the fascinating answer to this perplexing question).

The reason I’ve been pondering this question is because, as many of you know, Gordon’s Acoustic Living Room (the band I am honoured to be a small part of) has started up our monthly shows at the Free Times Café – College just west of Spadina – again. And this month, as with most months, we will be playing our gig on the third Sunday of month, which this month is September 18.

And if you’ve been to one of our gigs (and if you have, I hope you come back to see us soon, and if you haven’t, I still hope you come to see us soon) you will know that bagpipes are played – pretty much always at the start of the show. And I have always wondered why, after our bagpipe tune, the next song we play sometimes sounds a bit off to me (not that the audience notices because I think they’re just relieved that the bagpipes are finished – at least for a while). And now I know the answer, because bagpipes are the toothpaste of musical instruments.

Some of you might think comparing bagpipes to toothpaste is unfair – although whether to bagpipes or toothpaste I’m not sure – while for others it may explain a musical conundrum. Why don’t you determine this for yourself. Come see us at the Free Times on September 18. The show starts at 8 pm and there is lots of good food and interesting drinks. And in honour of the coming of fall there will be no cover.

Hope to see you there.

Jonathan

P.S. I’m not sure what happens if you brush your teeth and then play the bagpipes, but thanks for asking.

A few weeks ago, a band called Blue Coupe, came through town. One thing that distinguishes Blue Coupe from a lot of other bands is their musical pedigree. The members of the group include folks who played with Alice Cooper and Blue Öyster Cult (note the correct placement of the umlaut – and I know that there is no umlaut on oyster when referring to the bivalve mollusk but here I’m talking about Öyster the proto metal band where there is unquestionably an umlaut). Not only did these guys play in those bands – because over the years a lot of people have played in those bands – but played in their original and best incarnations.

When they were interviewed, they were asked about the audience that was coming to see them. This is the de rigeur question of any band that has older musicians – whether the band is one that hasn’t stopped touring since the 60s, or a band that has been rediscovered after 50 years of obscurity, or, like Blue Coupe, a combination of musicians from bands from an earlier time when dinosaurs ruled the earth.

And there is only one right answer that older musicians can give to the question of who is your audience these days? The answer is (with some slight variations but only very slight) “Obviously there are a lot of people our age who come to see us, but we’re really gratified that they’re bringing their kids and even their grandkids and their kids and grandkids are bringing their friends. And what’s really cool is that everyone knows the words to all the songs and they sing along – even to the new tunes.” 

You rarely see a band of 20 year olds being asked about their audience and, if they are asked, they never say “Yeah, we get a lot of people our age to the gigs but what’s really cool is that people are bringing their parents and their grandparents and their parents and their grandparents are bringing their friends – and everyone knows the words to our songs.”

This then, inevitably, brings me to Gordon’s Acoustic Living Room, the band I remain immensely proud to be a part of. It is fair to say that the age of the band members tends to skew older – not Mick Jagger (79) or Keith Richards (78) older – but older nonetheless.

For those of you have never seen us live, you may be wondering, as would any lazy journalist, what kind of audience comes to see us. I think the best way I can answer that question is to say “Obviously there are a lot of people our age who come to see us, but we’re really gratified that they’re bringing their kids and even their grandkids and their kids and grandkids are bringing their friends. And what’s really cool is that everyone knows the words to all the songs and they sing along – even to the new tunes” 

If you doubt the veracity of my perspective, please feel free (and I do mean free) to come out to our next gig at the Free Times Café (on College west of Spadina) on Sunday August 21^st.  The show starts at 8 pm and we will be playing our usual wildly eclectic mix of music from all genres and all eras (although I don’t think we’ll be doing Alice’s hit “I’m 18” but who knows). There will also be good food and lots to drink. If you happen to be older, bring your kids or your grandkids and you can all sing along together. And to celebrate the summer there’s no cover charge.

Hope to see you there.

Jonathan

P.S. And keep in mind that nothing binds generations of music lovers together than cowering in fear at the sound of the bagpipes – and there will be bagpipes.

I don’t know if we’re in the 9th wave and I’m eligible for my 4th shot or if I’m eligible for my 12th shot as we enter the 6th wave, and I don’t know that it matters anymore. At the same time however, like it or not, the world is opening up and we are starting to move around as we have not been doing for a long time. And that means cars and trains and boats and planes.

Over the past few months I’ve had the opportunity – I certainly wouldn’t say the joy – of taking a few trips on planes. I know there’s been a lot written about how horrible the whole airline experience is and I am certainly not going to suggest otherwise. On a good day your flight or flights may only be delayed an hour or two or three. Still, we really don’t have much choice when we want to get from point A to point B and then from point B back to point A.

Speaking of ABBA (and while I don’t want to call attention to myself, I think that was probably the best segue I’ve ever written) that incredibly (and to me inexplicably) successful band from Sweden, they have adopted a new way of touring and reaching out to those many people who still want to see them without actually having to leave their homes, wherever their homes are located.

The folks in ABBA have created a set of virtual avatars of the four of them that go from city to city (however it is that avatars travel) and perform their hits with a live band in front of a live audience. That’s right, the fans are in person, the other musicians are in person, but the members of ABBA – the reason people are coming to the shows – are present only as avatars (and in the interests of accuracy, because I would hate to be inaccurate, these avatars are referred to as, wait for it, ABBAtars or as I think spellcheck more accurately put it – abattoirs).

I want to assure all of our fans, which represents .000000001% of those who have ever bought an ABBA album or single, we will never resort to any sort of virtual trickery for our live performances (and more about our next live performance very shortly in this missive). There are a number of reasons why we have taken this incredibly principled stand; first, of course, is our deep respect for those people who come to see the 10 or maybe 9 or sometimes 8 or occasionally 7 and very rarely 6 of us, live and in person. And that’s really the only reason that matters – our profound gratitude to those who want to see our shows.

In the interest of completeness however, I should probably acknowledge a couple other reasons why we have not gone the virtual route. One of those reasons is that most of us actually live in Toronto so it’s not really a big deal for us to rouse ourselves, put on some clothes, get our instruments and head out the Free Times Café (at College just west of Spadina) where we have our monthly gigs. The other reason is that, apparently, this whole virtual avatar/ABBAtar/abattoir thing costs massive amounts of money, and we just don’t have massive amounts of money. And given the fact that we don’t charge anything for our shows we aren’t likely to gather any massive amounts of money in the near future or frankly in any future one might imagine.

All of this is to say when you come to our show, which this month will be Sunday July 17th at aforementioned Free Times Café, we will all be there, in the flesh, on the stage and spilling off the stage. The show starts at 8pm but come early and have some of the food and drink that the Free Times is known for. And in honour of the creation of the International Criminal Court, which happened on July 17, 1998, there will be no cover.

Hope to see you there.

Jonathan

P.S. ABBA did do a song called “The Piper” which did not include bagpipes so one point (and it’s the only point I’ll give them) to ABBA.

Jonathan?

Where are you?

We will miss you and your formidable rant this month, but the show must go on.
Gordon’s Acoustic Living Room: Sunday, June 19th, 8pm @ Free Times Café.

You know the place.

You know the band.

Be there.

Late last month, I had my Che Guevara moment. 

You know, that could be the best opening sentence I’ve ever written. I mean it’s not “Call me Ishmael” or “It was a dark stormy night” but there’s a lot packed into it. There’s intrigue, there’s drama, pretty much any possibility is open. The only thing that’s not really possible is that my Che Guevara moment was being killed in the wilds of Bolivia while leading a revolution. Because since I’m writing this I clearly wasn’t killed.  

But then again, through the magic of delayed email delivery, it’s possible that the counter revolutionaries were approaching as I was writing this and that while I was not dead when I wrote it (obviously) I could have chosen to send it later so that it arrived in your email box after I was killed. Although if death was imminent, why would I spend my last moments promoting another appearance of Gordon’s Acoustic Living Room? Shouldn’t I have spent my time writing a stirring manifesto or a poem… or something grander. 

The other problem with that opening sentence is that I think it might promise too much. I mean you’re probably already wondering what my Che Guevara moment could be, and you may well be investing this moment with the mythology and the youthful revolutionary fervor that is often associated with Che. Can my experience, whatever it was, live up to that opening sentence?I’m not sure. 

Anyway, without further ado, here is my Che Guevara moment. It’s April 29 at 4:30 in the morning and I’m in Whitehorse in the Yukon. Pretty good so far. Perhaps I’m in the mountains, maybe I’m canoeing down a river, or I could be checking traps.   

What I was doing, was standing in the security line at the Whitehorse Airport getting ready to board a flight to Vancouver because the only flight out that will allow for a connection that gets me Toronto at a decent hour (which ends up being about 4.30 in the afternoon so right in the middle of rush hour traffic) is at 5 am. 

And, while I’m in the security line, my glasses fall off and break on the floor. I now have no glasses and I can’t see. This immediately brings to mind the story of Che Guevara’s last days in the mountains of Bolivia when he broke his glasses and was rendered pretty much incapable of doing any reading or writing. 

And the reason this was my Che Gevara moment was that pretty soon after my glasses broke someone with some manual dexterity helped tape the frames together so I could muddle through my flights. The next day I got a crappy pair of reader glasses from the pharmacy and by the next Friday I had a new set of glasses. So when I refer to what happened to me as a Che Guevara moment, I mean that almost literally – it was about a moment when I shared something with Che Guevara and then just as suddenly I didn’t. 

This then takes me, of course, to Gordon’s Acoustic Living Room, who will be playing its next gig on Sunday, May 15th at the Free Times Café (still on College just west of Spadina). The show will start at 8 and there will be lots to eat and drink. And there will be no cover because the music belongs to the people!!!! 

Hope to see you there. 

Jonathan 

P.S. If you were wondering, after the revolution there will be no need for bagpipes.

In our family we have a word for the slice of bread found at either end of a loaf. Now when I say we have “a word,” I think that makes it clear that the word that we use is not the one in popular use to describe those particular slices of bread. For example, if someone says “When I was a kid we had a word for those things that you put on your feet when you left the house,” and then you heard that the word was “shoe,” you’d say “No, you didn’t have ‘a word’ you had ‘the word.’ A person cannot make a unique claim on a word that is already in the general parlance or the vernacular, if you will.  

But we had, and have, a word for the slice of bread at the end of the loaf and that word is “bumble-end.” And now that I see it written down, because I’ve never actually seen the word written down before, I realize that it could be seen as two words “bumble” and “end” or it could be seen as one word “bumbleend” or “bumblend” or as I prefer to write it, as a hyphenated word – bumble-end. And since it seems like my family made it up, I get to choose how it’s spelled.  

The thing is, though, when I was growing up, I didn’t know we had “a word” for the slices of bread at either end of the loaf. I didn’t think “bumble-end” was “a word.” I thought it was “the word.” You might think “How could anyone believe that a word as odd as ‘bumble-end’ could possibly be ‘the word’ to describe the slices of bread at the end of a loaf.” But why not “bumble-end?” The “end” part of the word is a precise and exact description of where the slices are located and as for the “bumble,” it makes as much sense at the start of this word as it does at the start of “bumblebee” which is clearly “the word” for a striped stingy insect or “bumbleberry pie” which is just a berry pie with the word “bumble” at the front. 

The other reason I thought “bumble-end” was “the word” was because I had no reason to believe that other people didn’t regularly use that term as well. How often does it come up in conversation that you refer to a slice of bread that is either at the front or the back end of a loaf? 

Now I don’t know when it was, I could have been 7, 12, or 25, but one day I was at someone’s place, and I saw the first or the last slice of a loaf of bread and I said, “Who wants the bumble end?” And then, immediately and instantaneously, it was made clear to me that “bumble-end” wasn’t “the word” it was “a word.” And, to the untutored ears of those hearing it for the first time, it was not just “a word” it was a very strange word indeed. 

And this brings me, as these missives inevitably do, to Gordon’s Acoustic Living Room, the band that I am proud to be part of. You see, when people learn that I’m in a band they often say “What kind of music do you play?” and I say, “You know, folk, rock, celtic, country, original tunes, covers and bit of jazz and blues and a smidge of bluegrass” and then when I’m asked about the instruments and musicians I say “The usual, eight lead singers, drums, bass, guitars (electric, acoustic and pedal steel), mandolin, fiddle, bodhran, tin whistle, flute, saxophone, and, oh yeah, bagpipes.” And then I realize that this isn’t most people’s idea of a band, it’s more of a word salad with a musical theme.  

But we are a band and we do play all of those instruments and those genres of music and many of us do sing. While you can sample our wares on YouTube, we are best understood and enjoyed live. And I am pleased to report that we are back live at the Free Times Café (still on College just west of Spadina) on Sunday, April 10 (and I know that we usually play the third Sunday of the month but this year that falls on Easter Sunday and the third night of Passover – which admittedly isn’t one of the bigger nights – and in the middle of Ramadan, so we figured let’s do our gig before all that – and for those you in a family that is trying to balance all three of those holidays at the same time, good luck to you).  

The show starts at 8 and there is no cover. But we encourage you to support the venues that still showcase live music and make a dinner reservation. That way you not only get to enjoy good food and drink, but you can get a reserved table near the band (or further away from the band if that’s your preference) and you will then be assured of a great seat. 

We will be back to the third Sunday of the month for May. Hope to see you soon. 

Jonathan 

P.S. For those who are musically curious, the term “bumble-end” when used in the context of bagpipes describes the person who is playing them.